hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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