Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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