I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
