one word: firstdatebathroomanal
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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