so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
