And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Randomize
