On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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