So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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