happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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