Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
