If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
