I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
