Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
