i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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