I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
