Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
