I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
