I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Randomize
