i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
