so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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