just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
