I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
