Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
tell me about the eggs
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
