youre lurking in front of me
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
