bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize