if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i want to swaddle you in tequila
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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