also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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