she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
