Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
