plz talk dirty to me
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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