don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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