Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
