i already hear my dad disowning me
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
