Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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