I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
