I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
