i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
