I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
