i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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