bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You pole danced in your parka.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize