I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
