she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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