Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
