Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
