try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
