sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize