her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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