I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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