I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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