Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
