You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
