I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
