The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
