Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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