you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
