He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
