the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize