After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
