Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
