When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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