I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
