so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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