Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
